


Of Hearts And Arrows

by NerdyWarrior



Series: Artemis just wants to exist, ok? [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), mcyt
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27854438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyWarrior/pseuds/NerdyWarrior
Summary: When one of your so-called "children" asks you to join an SMP server to help out, you didn't expect to be planted into a war, let alone come out of it with new friends, and new lovers.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap, Jschlatt/Minx | JustAMinx/Niki | Nihachu/Wilbur Soot, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Series: Artemis just wants to exist, ok? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039134
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	1. Things To Know

Ok...So am I doing this because my brain really wants to say, "Hey, hi, you've recently fallen into the pit and should write?" Yes, yes I am. So without further ado, here is "Of Hearts and Arrows", or at least some important things to know before I start writing.

Y/N: Your Name

H/C: Hair Color

H/L: Hair Length

E/C: Eye Color

S/C: Skin Color

P/N: Pet Name

Info before I write: You are a semi-popular streamer who goes by Artemis, due to your extreme skill in shooting games and with bows in MC, and are already friends with some of the mcyt. Specifically, Sleepy Bois Inc and BBH. You're like the unofficial mother figure of Tommy and Tubbo, (Not to mention the only woman Tommy listens to and doesn't insult), and a sister type to Techno, Philza, Wilbur, and BBH. You call the sleepy bois by their real names unless in a game or around others who aren't as close with them. As of right now, you live in England, of course after moving from wherever you were born. You're 23, and I'm sorry, but for the sake of the story, you'll be about 5'4 in height. You join the Dream Smp the same time Techno does, but instead of "siding" with Tommy, Wilbur, and the others, you head to Manberg. This is where our story will start. 

-When it comes to games like Among Us, Phasmophobia, and roleplays in the Dream Smp, I'll write them a bit more dramatic than blob or block figures running around-

-And for clarification, The end goal for me is to decide if we want a singular dream team member to end up with Y/N or it is a poly relationship!!-

-I'll use real names in normal conversation when applicable just to diversify from an in-game talk a bit-

~Anyways, with that, said, off to write the rest of my story--Hope you all enjoy Marshmallows!!~


	2. The Things People Do For Their Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N just wanted to exist in her small world.
> 
> Tommy wanted his Minecraft mother to stab people.
> 
> Technoblade just wanted a good sleep.
> 
> No one got what they wanted--

A loud groan could be heard as the woman sat up, H/L H/C falling into her eyes. "Whoever is calling me on discord better have a good reason, or I'm murdering them." She muttered, sliding off of her bed and over to her desk, loading up her computer while grabbing her phone from its charging station.  
"Tommy? What does he want this early?" Sighing, she entered Discord and watched it do it's thing before another call came through, Y/N immediately clicking answer. "This better be good Tommy. It's 7 in the morning on a Saturday."  
"OH YES I GOT YOU. Ok ok ok, I promise it's good I just needed to make sure I could talk to you and Techno at the same time." The blonde muttered hastily, making Y/N raise her eyebrows until the sound of another joining the call came in.  
"Y/N, Do you know why the child called?"   
"No, Techno, sorry. Tommy, please explain before I drive over to your house and murder you for waking me up."  
"No!! That's totally not necessary. I just needed to ask something." Tommy rushed out  
"And what is that?" Dave asked, clearly not wanting to deal with this. Y/N felt his pain.  
"I want you two to join the Dream Smp server to help Wilbur and I.," Tommy said, causing Y/N to raise a brow. "Uh-huh? And what's in it for Dave and I.?" Y/N asked, her interest piqued.  
"Well, Techno can overthrow a government. And you, well, you get to settle that thing with Jschlatt."  
"I do like overthrowing the government--" Dave muttered while Y/N grinned. "Alright, Tommy. We'll join. But on one condition. You let me do my own thing, and you won't be disappointed."  
Tommy grinned. "I think I can do that. Thank you both. I'll message you what to do later on. Get some more sleep Mom and Techno...Do whatever the fuck it is you do."

"You're so lucky I'm not anywhere near Bad Tommy---" Y/N said before smiling, saying goodbye to the two boys before exiting the call, immediately heading to her bed and collapsing, falling back to sleep.  
~Sorry for it being so short, I just needed to get the call done so I could begin the story. Also, sorry If Tommy seems nicer, I have issues being mean so I'm trying to harness the angry British boy and it's not working~


	3. The Gods Look Down Upon You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know, Tommy? This is why we can't have nice things.

/N and Dave had been instructed to watch Tommy's stream until the perfect moment. They would join when given specific cues. Dave would go first when Tommy said "I have the blade." and at some point, Dave would then say, "The Gods Look Down Upon You." to which Y/N will join. Pretty much, join with great timing and scare the hell out of the server. Seemed fair enough. So, here She was, sitting in her chair, Tommy's stream on her second monitor while her first showed her cursor hovering over the server, her discord open to a call with Dave.  
"You think our intimidation tactic will work, Dave?" She asked, sipping her water while waiting for the man's answer.  
"Obviously. When the God of Blood and the Goddes of the Moon show up with perfect timing, then I say that's perfect intimidation. And if it's not, I'll just have to stab em." He muttered.  
"Makes sense. Heads up. Tommy's in a fight with Sapnap." Y/n said, leaning in her seat as she watched the stream.   
~In Game~

"And I hate to say it, but I have something you'll never ever have," Tommy said, huffing out a breath.  
"What?" Sapnap asked, kind of done with this 17-year-old.  
"I have the blade," Tommy said, grinning when the notification popped up.  
-Technoblade joined the Server-  
(Y/N had to admit, the timing was masterful, and watching Tommy's chat go wild was great. Now it was her turn to wait and grin)  
Suddenly Techno's voice clipped in, him clearly a bit frustrated. "I was having a good sleep! Just laying there, getting some shut-eye. Which one of you made my--" "No no no Techno it's fine, it's fine it's fine. It'll be ok." Tommy said, laughing to himself, especially at Sapnap's confused and concerned face.  
"Death." Techno droned out, pointing his sword at Sapnap, hearing Tommy grin. "DEATH!!" He mirrored while Sapnap backed up a bit.

"Well, this is interesting.." He muttered before Techno stepped forward. "Death is coming. You can't stop it. Because the gods are looking down on you."   
Sapnap looked confused at first. "The gods..? What are you on abo--"  
-_Artemis_ Has Joined the Server-  
Tommy started cheering as Techno smirked at Sapnap, who's face fell. It only grew worse when someone new joined the call.   
"Hello, Boys. Please do tell if you've been fighting amongst yourselves. I'd love to hear about it." Artemis chimed in, slowly walking up to the four boys.  
Sapnap stared at the three for a few moments. "And on that note...I'm getting out of here. Bye--" He said, running away as Techno rose his hands in indignation. "I wanted to stab him!!"  
Artemis giggled a bit while patting Techno's shoulder. "You'll get him eventually. Now, I'm going to leave you boys to your own devices. I'm taking my own path in this war. I'll see you eventually." She said before walking off, beginning to memorize coordinates while walking. Her path was to find the old L'Manberg. After all, there were people in the walls she needed to see.   
Meanwhile, Another person was concerned.  
Bad stared in confusion at the name _Artemis_. That little notification has been bothering him, along with the one about Technoblade. Especially when Sapnap ran in, bracing his hands on his knees. "Trouble...Tommy...New...People.." He managed to get out before falling onto the floor.  
Bad chuckled before laughing. "Did you run all the way here?" He asked as he walked over to the ravenette on the ground.  
Sapnap groaned and looked at him. "I cornered Tommy, and then he said something about Techno, and then Techno showed up, then he mentioned something about gods and now she's here. Which, Techno threatened murder. And Artemis...She...She's interesting."  
Bad crouched in front of Sapnap, offering him his hand as Sapnap reached up to grab it. Bad helped the man up before locking eyes with him. "You have no idea."  
~Again, sorry for it being a bit short. Until I get into the more interesting parts it's gonna vary in length.-


	4. Welcome, First Lady Artemis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N found her way into Manberg. And she's still angry, Schlatt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so quick note. I kind of just--messed with the timelines a bit to fit this in my head, sooooooooooooooo

Bees were buzzing as the H/C female walked. It was generally silent as she maneuvered around trees, having scouted for the large buildings. She just wished she scouted for small inconvenient holes.  
"Alright so it should be right over her--OH WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?!" Artemis shouted, falling into the 4 block deep hole.   
"I...I have literally no tool and this is stone and like...A piece of dirt...How does this happen? How do I get myself into these situations?!" She muttered, trying to jump and climb her way out of the whole. "UGH CURSE MY SHORTNESS!!!!" She shouted.  
What she didn't realize was that shout alerted the attention of someone who was walking nearby. She knew pretty quickly however when a British male voice appeared somewhere above her prison.  
"Uh...I heard that there's a short person trapped?" He called, Artemis debating her options to die in the hole or die from the embarrassment of being trapped after making such a dramatic entrance.   
After a few seconds, She realized the latter option promised food.  
"Oh yeah!! If you see a hole in the ground, I kind of fell. I'm new here, and apparently, the land decided I needed to be imprisoned."  
Artemis heard footsteps coming towards her mini jail, her savior soon peering his head into the whole, Artemis making out brown fluffy hair, white glasses, and surprisingly a suit.  
"I'm so glad I'm being rescued by what seems to be a mafia twink..." She muttered while staring up.  
"HEY! I am not part of the mafia or a twink. I can just let you die in this hole you know." He spat out, beginning to walk away.  
"No no no I'm sorry!! Please don't let me die in this hole!! I'll never hear the end of it!!" Artemis pleaded, hearing the male chuckle before he reappeared, holding out his hand which she quickly grabbed.  
Once he pulled her out she immediately kicked the ground. "Take that, stupid world."  
A male chuckle from behind Artemis was what brought her out of her nature hating thoughts. "Did it offend you or something?"  
"It did!!! It trapped me in a hole I couldn't get out of. Shush Mr---" She paused, realizing she didn't even know his name.  
He chuckled before putting his hands on his hips. "George. And I'm assuming that you're Artemis, correct?"  
She nodded. "Yeah. Do you know anywhere I could potentially get food around here George?"  
The brit nodded. "Follow me, Your Holeyness."  
"Ok you know what--"  
~~~~~~~~~  
Artemis wished she stayed in the hole. George, as she's come to know, has insisted on calling her "Your Holeyness" any chance he could get. She honestly wanted to push him into a ravine. But, he was taking her to food. And, he was also taking her to Manberg. So, as unbearable as the man was, she followed.   
When they came up to Manberg, Artemis was surprised to see as many houses as she did. "I, uh, assume your nation thingy here is run by a lot of people?" She asked, looking around.  
George nodded a bit. "Yup. So first things first-" "Don't do it.." "-Your Holeyness." "Damn it." "Is to get your food. Afterward, we go see the president."   
That piqued her interest. "President? Huh. No wonder you're in a suit. And here I was thinking you liked trying to be James Bond, but tiny."  
"You're SHORTER THAN ME!!" George squawked indignantly.  
"Ahh, but good sir, You are a male and 5'9. So, in turn, you are Short." Artemis said, grabbing some steak out of the chest George pointed at, her munching it while she watched the Brit struggle to get her back.  
"You know what, let's just go now.." George huffed out, Artemis laughing.  
"Come on Georgie!! Where was that teasing spirit?!" Artemis said, catching up to him.  
"I must have dropped it in that hole trying to get you out--OW?" He yelped, rubbing his arm. "Did you just hit me?"  
Artemis ate the rest of a steak, her mouth full as she grinned cheekily. "I have no idea what you're talking about George." She stated, most of it being muffled as George rolled his eyes. "Come on."  
She giggled and ran after him. When they walked into the "White House." She was told to stay put as George walked in, She heard two new voices, along with George's talking.  
Soon enough the door was opened by none other than the Britain she's been arguing with. "You can come in now, Your Holeyness." He said with a smirk.  
"I am so chasing you down for that," Artemis muttered, pushing herself off of the wall and following him into the room.  
Whatever Artemis was expecting, it was not a male in a blue beanie Fortnite dancing on a table while singing in Spanish, another male slightly farther away, hidden in the shadows.  
"I don't know what he's doing, But I already like him more than you right now George." She stated absentmindedly, ignoring the offending stutters from behind her as the male on the table hopped down. "Hola Amiga. My name is Quackity or the Big Q, and you might be Senorita?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.  
The H/C female backed up. "Artemis. George, I rescind my earlier statement. This one's so smooth it's dangerous."  
She was surprised to hear the third male in the room chuckle, him slowly stepping out of the shadows. "Please, keep insulting my vice president. It's great." He said, locking eyes with the woman.  
"Oh Great.." She muttered before looking at him. "JSchlatt. It's a pleasure to meet you again. I assume you still have my fish?"   
"Oh, Artemis. Apollo is safe, not to worry." He said, the other two slightly confused.  
"Uhhhhh? What did we miss?" Big Q asked, genuinely confused.  
"Just the fact that JSchlatt took my fish a few years ago.." Artemis muttered, arms crossed.  
"You're seriously not mad about that still?" Jschlatt asked.   
"Oh, I am. But.." She said, hopping up on the windowsill.  
"But..?" George prompted, causing Artemis to grin.   
"I'll forgive you, Only, and Only if you give me a position of power here." She stated.  
George and Big Q's eyes widened while Jschlatt only smirked.   
"Alright. But on one condition, That position of power is My First Lady." He sat upon the table, crossing his legs while staring at the female across from him.  
Artemis thought it over before grinning. "Deal. Guess you found yourself a wife. Don't expect me to bake pies though, cause I will cause a fire--" She deadpanned, breaking the tense atmosphere, making the three men laugh uncontrollably while she simply smirked and looked out the window.   
(So umm...Yes, the thing against Jschlatt was over a fish, but I promise I have a reason for it!! Also, there's a bit of foreshadowing if any of you can catch it, here's a hint, Names are always fun and meaningful.)


	5. Quarantine Is Overruled When Two Mom Friends Need Muffins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N gets a visitor during a bit of a rough time for her.
> 
> Chaos, and Muffins, ensue.

/N leaned back on her couch, checking her phone consistently while running her fingers through the fur of the blonde chihuahua on her lap.  
"Jake, if you don't move before Darryl lands, I swear. Jack doesn't even do this and he steals my pillows!!!" She said, tossing her hands up, seeing the small dog glance at her before plopping down. "Ok then. That's how we're gonna play this.." She muttered before scooping him up in her arms.  
"Come on, you're staying in the kennel until I get back with Darryl and Rat. Jack, come on, Bed!!" She called, crouching and placing the small dog into the crate, hearing small pattering as another dog quickly crawled in.   
"Good boy. I'll be back later, all right you two?" Y/N asked, going to head off.  
Grabbing her keys, phone, and mask, she quickly walked out to her car.   
~~~~~~~~~~  
It was a short drive to the airport, and now she was leaning against her car, scrolling on her phone. It wasn't long until she heard Darryl's voice. "There you are!!!" He called, carefully running over as to not jostle the travel carrier in his hands.  
"Darryl!! Thank god!!" Y/N called, smiling happily when the male picked her up to hug her after setting down his bags and Rat. "Oh, I missed you, Muffinhead!!"  
"I missed you too. Now come onnnnn. I made blueberry muffins and if you don't hurry up you get none!!" Y/N said, hopping into the driver's seat while popping the trunk open.  
Darryl quickly started putting his stuff away before hopping in. "You can't just not give me muffins. Dat's illegal." He said, Y/N shrugging.   
"We'll see." She said, grinning over at him, Darryl grinning back as well.


	6. Is It Wrong To Use A Whisk As A Microphone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Bad do a stream, it goes fairly well--

"Annnnnnnnnnnddddd We're live!! Hey everyone! Artemis here. It's a bit different today. As you can see, I'm doing a rare face cam. And that's because---" Y/N said, waving her arms over. "That's becauseeeeee?" She prompted once more, getting no response.  
Y/N sighed and grabbed the leftover blueberry muffins from the fridge, setting them on the counter.   
"Where are they?" Darryl called, sliding into the kitchen.  
"BadBoyHalo is here!! Speaking of which, I signaled you like twice."  
"Oh..? Oh my goodness I'm so sorry!! I was playing with Jake, Jack, and Rat!!" The male said, setting down the muffin.  
Y/N giggled. "It's fine Bad. Cause we have a cake to bake, Don't we?"  
Darryl nodded while nibbling at his muffin. "Ok Chat!! Welcome to our baking time!! Bad's visiting me for the week due to some important thing, so expect another stream on his channel, and random photos on Twitter." Y/N said, moving back to her cabinets. "Bad, what type of cake should we make..?"   
Darryl was about to answer before the sound of a donation sounded, Bad reading it. "Uhhhh..? Yumerio donated about 30? They say we should make a cake with some kind of vanilla..?" He said out loud before Y/N gasped.  
"Baddddd. We can make a marbled cake with Red Velvet and Vanilla since Red is one of your main colors and white is one of mineee." She said eyes widened comically while staring at him with childish innocence.  
"Yess oh my goodness!!" He said as Y/N immediately started grabbing out everything she would need for it.   
After setting all the ingredients on the counter she grabbed her speaker while Darryl pulled all the bowls and utensils out.  
Darryl rose a brow as Y/N grinned at him.   
"What are you doing you Muffin?" Darryl asked, watching her cautiously as Y/N clicked play.  
A happy but evil smile spread across her lips as Faster's remix of Bad and Skeppy singing you are my sunshine began playing out of the small speaker in her hands.  
"WHA HEY ARTEMIS!!" Darryl shouted, covering his face.  
"Bad you're blushing!!! Not your boyfriend my butt, you dirty liar!!" Y/N chanted as Darryl started waving his hand at her.  
"Let it play while we bake Bad. It'll be finnnnneeee." She said, the male giving in.  
About 20 minutes later, and both batters were made.  
"Ok. So now we marble them, throw them in the oven, make the frosting, then the rest is pretty easy.' Y/N said, bringing the whisk up to her lips to clean the batter off of it, cause Salmonella doesn't exist to someone like Artemis.  
"Ok. That sounds reasonabl---Hey Artemis you could get sick!!" Darryl said as he saw what the H/C female was doing.  
"I'll be fine!!" She said, before hearing her speaker play a song she loved.  
"The alcohol's served its tour. And it's headed straight for my skin, leaving me daft and dim." She sang, kind of into the whisk as Darryl stopped yelling, smiling softly.  
"I've got this shake in my legs, shaking the thoughts from my head. But who put these waves in the door? I'll crack and out I pour~"  
"I'm Mr. Loverman, and I miss my lover, man. I'm Mr. Loverman. Oh, and I miss my lover." Y/N sang, spinning softly while some of the batter went to different places.  
"The ways in which you talk to me, have me wishing I were gone. The ways that you say my name, have me running on and on. Oh, I'm cramping up, I'm cramping up. But you're cracking up, you're cracking up!!" She sang, doing the chorus before pausing while she made eye contact with Darryl.  
"I'm shattered now, I'm spilling out, upon this linoleum ground. I'm reeling in my brain again before it can get back to you. Oh, what am I 'sposed to do without you?" Y/N sang, the underlying hurt oblivious to her viewers who saw the silly hand motions, but so apparent to the male in front of her who could see it in her E/C orbs.  
"I'm Mr. Loverman and I miss my lover man. I'm Mr. Loverman oh, and I miss my lover. I'm Mr. Loverman and I miss my lover, man."  
"I'm Mr. Loverman oh, and I miss my lover..." She finished, before smiling happily at the worried male across from her. "Come on!! We have a cake to marble and decorate!!" Y/N said, moving forwards to start mixing them as Darryl smiled softly behind her. "Yeah! Hey, let me do some toooooooo!!" He said, waddling over to help bake the cakes.  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
Another hour or so and Y/N finally ended her stream, sighing softly as she looked at the cake.  
"Hey... Y/N? You doing alright?" Darryl asked, gently placing his hand on the woman's shoulder.  
"Hmm...Oh yeah, Darryl. I'm fine. Just...Thinking about how close it is to the anniversary.." She said, looking over at the picture frame on her fireplace, vaguely being able to see three figures.  
"I know. But that's why I'm here!! Now come on!! We have a wonderful cake for dessert, three great dogs, all the Netflix we can binge-watch annddd..." He said, waving his phone. "The best Chinese food London can offer. Now come on. I do believe that I was owed a movie, and if quote this correctly, "Totally Platonic Cuddles Cause I'm Touch-Starved And You Can't See Skeppy?"  
"Yeah. I did say that. All right, come on. Let's order our food, find a dumb movie, and cuddle Darryl. If you don't I'm taking Rat AND Skeppy!!"   
"You wouldn't!!"  
Y/N laughed while walking to the door of the kitchen. "But I would." She said before yelping as the brown-haired male gave chase.  
"Get back here you muffin or I swear!!!"


	7. Incorrect Quotes 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Incorrect Quotes, fate the chaos known as Dream SMP

Bad: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

Artemis: All I drank was Redbull!

Bad: How many?   
Artemis: Eighteen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.

Techno: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in his own pool. Big difference.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: Tommy, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.

Tommy: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: *Locks George in the car.* Act like a child, get treated like a child.

George: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a child locked in a car?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Techno: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Techno, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Artemis and Sapnap are in Paris.*

Artemis: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?

Sapnap:But...

Artemis: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...

Sapnap: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?

Artemis: Yeah.

Sapnap: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe.

Artemis: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.

Sapnap: Okay, alright.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis, about A6D: He's speaking some kind of French.

Big Q: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

George: How do tall people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?

Dream: Gogy, it's four o'clock in the morning.

Artemis: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?  
Sapnap: Go to sleeeppppp  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wilbur: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.

Artemis: And you came to me?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: Between George, Dream, Sapnap, and Skeppy -- if you had to -- who would you punch?

Bad: No one! They are my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.

Artemis: Sapnap?

Bad: Yeah, but I don't know why.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: Last night I found out Sap is a sleep talker.

Dream: Oh, really?

Artemis: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3 am.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bad: Okay, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, you know, an "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?

Artemis: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Bad: Okay, so, okay, was he holding you? Or was his hand like on your back?

Artemis: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair.

Bad and Philza: Ohhhh.

[Meanwhile]

Dream: And, uh, and then I kissed her.

Techno: Tongue?

Dream: Yeah.

Techno: Cool.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Philza: Is anyone going to tell us what's going on in here?!

Wilbur: It's kind of complicated, but Techno-

Artemis: Got it. Forget we asked.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sapnap, Dream, and George: Did you notice how hot your sister has gotten?

Bad, Techno, Wilbur, and Philza: *Glares.*

Sapnap, Dream, and George: Because I have not!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: How do people not swear??? Like where does their anger go?? How do they show their enthusiasm??? What if they stub their toe??? Like saying golly gosh isn't really going to cut it DARRYL--  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis, thinking over her relationship: Is 4 a lot?

Techno: Depends on the context. Berries? No. Murders? Yes.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Artemis: Before I do anything, I ask myself, would Tommy do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: I made tea.

Dream: I don't want tea.

Artemis: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.

Dream: Then why are you telling me?

Artemis: It's a conversation starter.

Dream: That's a lousy conversation starter.

Artemis: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artemis: I did a bad thing.

Techno: Does it affect me?

Artemis: No.

Techno: Then suffer in silence.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tubbo: So, I'm going to grab a healthy breakfast.

Artemis: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Tubbo: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.

Philza: I pity your dentist.

Tubbo: Joke's on you. I don't have a dentist.


	8. Dream Team and Artemis Chaos (IQ 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second incorrect quotes. Fear my power

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.  
Artemis: Shit.  
Dream: Wait, three?  
Cop: Yeah?  
Sapnap: OH MY GOD GEORGE FELL OFF!!!  
Artemis: Truth or dare?  
Dream: Dare  
Artemis: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room  
Dream: Hey Sapnap  
Sapnap, blushing: Yeah?  
Dream: Could you move? I’m trying to get to George.  
Artemis: I think George was right.  
Dream: I'm surprised he hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'  
Sapnap: He wouldn't do that.  
George: You're right, Sapnap. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.  
George: turns around, the shirt he's wearing says 'George Told You So' on the back  
Artemis: Is stabbing someone immoral?  
Dream: Not if they consent to it.  
Sapnap: Depends who you’re stabbing.  
George: YES?!?  
Artemis: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?  
Dream: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Sapnap?  
Sapnap: Probably “road work ahead”.  
George: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.  
Artemis: Screams  
Dream: Screams louder to assert dominance  
Sapnap: Should we do something?!  
George, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

George: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?  
Dream: Plane tickets?  
Sapnap: Concert tickets?  
Artemis: Prostitution?  
George, holding their broken frames: Glasses.  
Artemis: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?  
Bad: Rude.  
Sapnap: That’s fair.  
George: Not again.  
Dream: Are you going to want this back?  
Artemis: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.  
Dream: This knife is actually a magic wand.  
Sapnap: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.  
George: cocks gun Magic missile.  
Bad: What is wrong with you people?!


End file.
